I hear this loud ring of a bell near my
ear. My brain is cloudy, muddled and foggy with sleep which had not
come to easy last night. I look at the clock. “It's only 5AM” I
thought, “who would call me so early?” OH I moan because I am
not a morning person...and last night had NOT been a good night of
sleep. I had tossed and turned after hearing such bad news from
Arizona.
In the early evening my son, Shawn called me to tell me
that he had talked to his dad. He said "Mom I got some bad news.." Gary had
gotten call from Rick Grabowski who told him that our friend Tom
Hudock was dead. They had found him in his truck in the desert after
being missing for a few days. It was suicide. He took his own life.
He and Marilyn were separated and I knew things had gotten bad but.....
 |
| Gabe and Tom |
I immediately started making phone
calls to our friends to find out more. The news was sad and I was
brokenhearted for my friend, Marilyn and her son Dusty. I just could not
wrap my arms around it. Why would Tom do this? Tom and Marilyn were
my staunch supports thru my divorce. They lived three doors west of
me and we did a lot together, Me, Tom and Marilyn. Silly
things like flea markets and garage sales on Saturday mornings,
hamburgers at the neighborhood burger joint anytime of the day or
night and dirt track midget car racing in the desert on
Saturday night, watched movies and walked in our neighborhood. If I needed to go to the grocery store, I called
Marilyn to see if she needed anything and she did the same...We
shopped together for years....Oh we had fun..I have many, many funny stories to
put on paper someday of those days...
 |
| Sharon, Gabe, Leah Marilyn |
My thoughts were spinning wildly in my
head as I tried to process what had happened. And at sometime later
in the evening, wondered if there would be a way to get to Arizona. “I will look into that”, I thought
“tomorrow!” I cried, I laughed and I cried some more...just
ME...my boys were each on there own and living in other places...so
my grief was all my own. Greg did not know Tom and Marilyn. Oh, he
had met them once when he came to visit me...but he did not know
them. They were from my “previous” life that he was not apart
of.
At some point in the evening, I
realized, “oh shit, I did not call Dad...It's his birthday and I
should have called him.” then I cried some more. I decided that I
could not call him today and tell him what I knew. First off, I would burst into
tears as soon as I heard his voice.. Now that would be a great
birthday greeting wouldn't it! Mom and Dad knew my friends from down
the street after years of visiting us in the winter. I just could
not tell him that Tom had died much less any of the circumstances
which surrounded his death SO I would wait to talk to him tomorrow.
I knew that he would totally understand why I waited!
OH, my brain finally seems to
register...it's the phone...my phone is ringing...it's 5 AM and the
phone is ringing. Wake up and answer it, Jan. I pick up the phone
and I hear crying. “Who is this,” I think at first... Then I
realize it is Pam and what is she saying...”he gone, whose gone?
What, Dad? NO, NO, NO....that can't be I cried...I did not get to
talk to him yesterday..” I cried, and cried and cried some more...
It is funny how the brain thinks when
you are consumed with grief. It runs, as God designed, on auto pilot. My thought was “I guess I won't be
going to Arizona after all....Wow, how surprised Dad will be when Tom is there to greet him! "
Love, Jan
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